In My Nothing; You were everything to me || For abaxrpg, NSFW BOY LOVE WITHIN!

[savior_n_black]

It was difficult for Ichigo's internal clock to adjust without the sun rising, and setting to mark the borders between each day. Ichigo didn't mind too much, though, because he was happy for the quiet settled in the little 'nest' of blankets the converted sleeping alcove offered during mid-afternoon. Rukia was closeted with her sister, and adoptive brother ( brother-in-law? ) getting them caught up on what had happened in the year's ( or week's, it's hard to keep proper track with a time, or universe paradox around ever corner ) events leading up to their abrupt arrival in the city of Abax.

After the moment of complete emotional overwhelm, Ichigo had used the minute, or two it took to dress himself to gather the wits. Wits that seeing Shiro, again, had effectively scattered, even to the point that Ichigo's inherent stubborn resolve to hide all of his more intense emotions was thrown out the window the moment he felt those familiar claws pricking his shoulders. Shiro, though...well, he was so out of sorts that once the hollow had dressed himself, Shiro barely put up more than token arguments against Ichigo carrying Shiro piggy-back style all the way to the shop.

That's where they were, now. Shiro was curled up with Ichigo next to him, and both had gained another warm comforter at some point while they slept. But, now Ichigo was awake, and though painfully aware of the risk of starling Shiro...he just could not help it. He couldn't help reaching out to let a lock of that soft, white hair slither through three of his fingers like strands of spun moonlight.

Fuck, but I was such an idiot.

I've missed you....so much...

And both statements were further illustrated by the fact that Ichigo still 'talked to himself' within his own mind ( too used to Shiro 'taking back' to stop ) and the uncensored addendum to the first thought. Idly, he let the lock of white hair fan between his fingers, and though Ichigo could feel that raw, burning, urge-- no. The need to wrap his arms around Shiro, and hold on tight, he also knew the hollow was upset with Ichigo.

Not, you know, that Shiro didn't have a right to be, but still.

Comments

[holeheart]

Shiro wasn't happy. He'd have put up a much bigger fight about being carried back, but he didn't have the energy to do it. He didn't have the energy to do anything but make a few scathing remarks, and when he finally did relent? Perhaps the most biting remark of all.

"Fine. Then carry me. It's your fault I can't walk on my own anyway."

And the rest of the journey had passed in silence. When they returned, dressed in whatever the Kuchikis had brought them, the Hollow had curled up on himself and fallen back asleep. Decidedly sleep, NOT near-death coma. Curled up with his back to Ichigo.

A year. He'd sat on his ass and done, what, nothing? For a year? What was that bullshit. Shiro barely slept because he was thinking about it so much. He's only lightly sleeping when Ichigo decides to touch his hair (like nothing happened) and the hollow twitches a bit. But he doesn't hear a word of what Ichigo thinks. Sort of vague inklings of feelings, emotions, pinging in the back of his mind, but nothing concrete. Easily ignored. Their bond was still weak, which is why Shiro hasn't changed his appearance. He still appeared exactly as he did the last time Ichigo had seen him

He doesn't respond to Ichigo's affections at all. Just sneers and pretends to still be asleep. You have to talk before you get anything out of him.

[savior_n_black]

Shiro may have thought he was doing well with the 'cold shoulder' routine, but Ichigo was too close, and paying too much attention to the hollow to not notice the little bit of tensing when he touched Shiro's hair. If that was the way it was going to be, though, Ichigo wasn't in a position to complain. He would just have to suck it up, and speak - out loud - about any of this.

"...You know, when it all first went down, and they carted that weird, spiked, shell-thing off? I passed out. Slept for three months. No one would say it, exactly, but I got the feeling that shit was pretty bad for a while there."

It was an awkward place to start, but Ichigo wasn't sure how else to say any of this. And even if it would matter at all in the first place.

"And when I woke up, it was...it was weird. It was like everything got wrapped in cotton, or sound-proofed. I don't know, it's hard to explain what not being able to sense anything was like.
It got worse, too. Heh...I managed to not make Rukia cry when I said goodbye to her, but when I went in later, after everyone had gone home...I couldn't stop. I'd forgotten what being alone really felt like...I didn't like it."

But those were small, petty things by comparison. Small things that didn't make a big difference in how Ichigo acted until much later.

"Everyone was safe. Everyone went back to school when autumn rolled around, too. I'd missed so much class that I had to make up a ton of work. Seemed like the less I tried to think too much about what happened, and tried to be normal...the worse I was at actually doing it.

...But that's not it, not really."

Swallowing against the tight knot of emotion lodged in his throat, Ichigo's voice became quieter. More hoarse.

"It was like...like everyone had finally gotten their wish. They were peaceful, and even happy. But I wasn't. I was fucking miserable. And the more I tried to use jinzen - even without a zanpakutou - or the more I desperately kept looking for the strength inside myself that had always been there, and the more I listened to my daikou badge, but only rarely caught a word, or two in Rukia's voice - and just once in yours - the more lost I got from everything.

...I was a fucking zombie. Part of me just...died. It just shut down, and I couldn't - I couldn't get that part back, and still be able to function. I lost a big part of myself, my life, and I had no fucking idea how to get it back.

I mean...I thought a thousand times of going to Urahara-san's shop. A thousand times of trying to confront dad, or catch Yoruich-san on the street....but I never did it. Because if I asked for the power back, then what was the point? I'd put us both in debt to someone else, and it wouldn't be the same at all. You'd be a shadow of yourself, and I...I'd be spending all my time trying not to go insane."

Have another light touch to your hair, Shiro.

"And then came Ginjou, and the Fullbringers...and Tsukishima. They told me things, about the world, and about my powers. Hell, Chad had been training with them for months, and never breathed a word about it! And if Chad was there, well...they had to be legit, right?"

Oh how wrong you were, Ichigo. But that was something else altogether.

"So I listened, and I worked at it. And I thought...I thought that this was it. This was the way I got you back. This is the way I'd get my strength back! I listened, and fought. Even after Ginjou fucked with me, took my eyes, and that weird Yukio kid locked me up inside a video game, I kept fighting.

And it worked. Well...mostly.

It was like seeing an ember where there used to be a bonfire, though. This little spark, just quietly burning inside me. But it was there, and I had the start of a sword again."

Ichigo's expression twisted as he thought about how things had gone horribly wrong. How Tsukishima had inserted himself into Ichigo's friends, his family, and how Ichigo had fled, powerless to stop it. Maybe it was that which shook him out of the tunnel vision, or maybe it really was a scheme to lead him along by the nose into doing what Ginjou wanted him to do all along. Either way, it hadn't worked out how anyone had thought it would. He could tell Shiro that part, later, though. Right now? Just the important bits.

"And then Ginjou...I don't know, man. There was something broken about him. A lot worse than I thought, too. He was damn slippery about words, and didn't admit until later that the whole reason he was helping me out was just to take my powers for himself. Like some sort of fucked up vampire, or patchwork shinigami? I don't know. All I know is that he did just that."

Ichigo decided not to share that part of the reason he'd broken down into actual sobs on that rooftop was because he felt a horrifying despair over the idea that through his own idiocy, he'd lost Shiro forever.

"He took something from me...but not everything. And I think we're both gonna have to thank Rukia for helping us out with that. I don't know what it was made of, other than a lot of combined reiatsu, but even though I couldn't see her, she'd been working on getting us both back for a while.

Hell. Everyone was...and I was just an idiot, and didn't know it."

Ichigo was still wishing Shiro would look at him, but he didn't force the issue. Just frowned, and continued idly wrapping locks of hair around his index finger.

"But that's more the point, I guess; I was an idiot. An idiot who kept trying to bring you back all on my own, and through sheer frigging force of will.

I was stupid, and...and I'm sorry, Shiro. I know it's no excuse, and it's a lucky thing that Rukia cares about you, too. She saved our collective butts with that blade, man.

But...but I just wanted you to know that I...I missed you.

I missed you so fucking much. And I never stopped looking for you...never.

[holeheart]

Shiro listens to Ichigo's little speech. Well, he did want an explanation, and he supposes he got one. To be honest, Shiro didn't remember anything after Mugetsu was activated. That's when the city began to crumble, when it all went black. He doesn't have any memories, none at all, of what Ichigo is talking about. It's all news to him.

Normal. He just went about a normal life, or tried to, while Shiro was gone. Ha. Looking for that strength. It wasn't there. It wouldn't be there unless Ichigo did something. Searching wasn't enough.

"Keh. I never spoke to you. I was gone. So I don't know what you heard."

Shiro listens to the rest of the story, still not reacting at all except for some derisive snorts here and there. When he was done, Shiro finally rolled over. But his eyes were dark, angry, disappointed.

"You talk about all this shit like I have any idea. Fullbringers? Ginjou? Sword? What the fuck are you even talking about?" He sneers and sits up, at least able to do that now, "All I'm hearing is that you gave up. Sat around with your thumb up your fucking ass while I rotted, and didn't do shit until someone came to you. You're a fucking liar, you know that? Looking don't mean shit. MISSING don't mean SHIT! Trying? Who fucking cares?! If you don't DO anything, you're a liar. You disgust me." He feels like he can at least walk now, so he throws the sheets and comforter off and leaves their little cubby.

[savior_n_black]

Ichigo knew he shouldn't have expected better, but the accusation that he'd just given up still caused a flare of anger in him all the same. When Shiro's mini-tyrade ended, and the hollow got up to leave, Ichigo threw the blankets off, and followed post haste.

In the middle of the store, anyone would be able to hear them, and that wouldn't do. It wasn't the Kuchiki's, or Madsen's, and certainly not Yori-san's business what he, and Shiro were talking about, so Ichigo simply grabbed Shiro's shoulder, and spun him around - making certain to keep himself from getting decked in the face if the hollow decided to haul off, and punch him too.

"Oh hell no! You don't get to pull the pissed off martyr act, then walk away!"

Gripping a fistful of Shiro's shirt in one hand, he dragged the hollow back into the alcove, and kept his voice at as low of a hiss as he possibly could.

"You want a better explanation, then fine, but you don't get to hear part of it, decide you know what the fuck I did, and then walk off in a huff.

I spent months, months, trying to figure out if you were alive or dead. I spent all that time forcing jinzen, forcing my senses to focus, and no it didn't work all that well, but later on, you know what I found out? Until our goddamn reiatsu recovered, there wasn't shit I could do!

But I kept at it, anyway. Don't you dare call me a fucking liar, either. I went to school, pretended to have a life, and every. Single. Night. I spent my time meditating on my daikou badge. I reached for you, for that part of me that knew how to fight, that burned all the time, and you know what it felt like?! Trying to force a broken fucking arm to work! I was sick most of the time when I came out of it!

So you tell me, if I had taken some fucked up workaround from Urahara, or just gone ahead, and let myself fucking die - just to see you again - how happy would you be?! Or better yet, how many times have you told me you "never asked to exist" and that it was all getaboshi's fault for making us this way in the first place! You can blame me for being stupid about the method, sure, but I didn't just sit around doing nothing! It was a shitty situation, and no good ways to deal with it, but you do not get to tell me that I gave up on you"

[holeheart]

He does attempt to sock Ichigo right in the mouth, but he misses thanks to Ichigo's forethought. So he just growls, snarling from under his hair.

"You know what? I was fucking dead for a YEAR while you did NOTHING. Yeah. NOTHING. Nothing of substance until those whoever they are came to YOU. I think I'm allowed to do whatever the FUCK I want, you liar."

You SAID you'd do whatever it took. You SAID you'd find a way, no matter what. As far as the Hollow is concerned, he was betrayed, lied to, and forgotten.

"Fuck off and let me go!" Shiro doesn't bother keeping his voice down. What the fuck does he care? He digs his claws into Ichigo's hands, drawing blood and forcing him to let go. "I don't forgive you. Period. Fuck off and quit talking to me. I don't want to hear your pathetic excuses, Ichigo."

[savior_n_black]

Ichigo was hurt. Really hurt. But more than that? He was angry. Shiro wasn't listening, and had already decided he knew how it was. And what could Ichigo say to that?
Nothing that's what.

"You want to go off, and pout about how goddamn unfair shit is, then go. Have fun with that."

Shoving Shiro as hard as he could into the actual wall, Ichigo was snarling in the hollow's face by this point.

"But take a look at yourself, Shirosaki. A liar wouldn't have brought you back at all. A liar wouldn't have gotten back up, and kept fighting for it. A liar wouldn't be here, explaining to you that you're not listening. "

And if Shiro was going for the low blows, then Ichigo wasn't going to pull his punches, either.

"Just fucking admit it. Admit that you're pissed that you showed me the Final Getsuga Tenshou in the first place."

[holeheart]

"Of course I am!!" The Hollow hisses, shoving back. He's at a disadvantage, since his physical power is still low, but he's trying. "I never WANTED to teach you that! I only did it because I had to. If there were ANY other way... but there wasn't! So I did, trusting that you would try everything you could to get me back!"

Shiro looks down, to hide the hurt, "But you didn't. You called out to empty alleyways, did useless things, instead of asking others for their help. Rolled in self-pity until some manipulative bastards did the hard work for you. You say it's because you didn't want to be in debt to anyone, but you are anyway!" He ducks out of Ichigo's grip and again attempts to leave. "I HATE you and I want to be alone, dammit!! Now fuck off."

[savior_n_black]

Oh no you don't. Ichigo was already hurt, and pissed off, and he wasn't about to let Shiro get away with this 'victim' bullshit. This time Ichigo is left with grabbing Shiro from behind, and with the hollow trying to yank himself away, both of them are tumbled into the bedding, with Shiro caught in a half-Nelson hold.

"Fuck you! I'm not the one trying to run away from shit! You never wanted to teach me, you just wanted to curl up in some dark corner, and hide from all the bad shit in the world! From Aizen, from a fight that scared the fuck out of you, and most of all, you just wanted me to hide out with you! But shit doesn't work that way

So if you really hate me so goddamn much, then fight back! You can hate me all you want, but you're alive to do it right here, and right now! You're alive because I didn't give up! Not just because the Fullbringers taught me how to find you, and Rukia found a way to give me my powers back, either! They helped, and showed me how much of an idiot I was being by trying to do it all by myself!

But you're not going to run away from me! I'm not a liar, but you can go right on hating me, and I don't care because you're alive to do it!"

...It hurt more than Ichigo wanted to let on to admit that. Hurt deeper than swords, or kidou. But Shiro was just using him as a focus for his anger. The hollow didn't ever want to go back, or to fight Aizen, and he was just blaming Ichigo for doing what needed to be done. Well, fine. If Shiro was going to go back to hating him, then Ichigo would deal with that.

Though, maybe this was the point when the visceral, experimental love turned to anger. Maybe this was the part where Ichigo lost Shiro forever?
It was a desperate thought that turned Ichigo's stomach...but if Shiro wanted away from him, to never see him again, and be able to hate him without anyone challenging it, then Ichigo would find a way to sever their bond. Shiro could have whatever he wanted, as long as he stayed alive to do it.

[holeheart]

"Raargghhh!! Stop it! Let me go!!" Shiro struggles and hisses and growls, but without fully recovering, it's futile. So he just gives up. And goes limp again and his voice goes quiet. "What do you understand. Nothing. It wasn't your life that was ending. Maybe forever.

I WAS scared. I had every right to be. So screw you... screw your righteousness. I don't want to hear it."

And now, I'm weak, and useless. So what was the damn point. What was the point of any of this? I'd rather be dead again than weak!

An all too familiar, embarrassing stinging comes into his eyes, and he is sure to keep his head down and his hair over his face.

"Let me go."

[savior_n_black]

Whether Shiro wanted him to hear it, or not, Ichigo was desperate to feel Shiro. To know what the hollow was thinking, and feeling. Maybe it was that desperation that his reiatsu answered. Maybe it was something else. Whatever the reason, it was like a far away echo whispering in his mind that helped Ichigo to know.

Easing his hold a bit, he transferred one arm around Shiro's waist, and brought the other up to first card fingers through white hair...then use his teeth to pull his sleeve back, and expose his wrist. A wrist that moved to hover right next to Shiro's hidden face.

"You want to go? Then make me let you go."

Idiot. You just need to get your strength back. That's all.

Leaning in to nuzzle the back of Shiro's neck, Ichigo dropped his voice and whispered in the hollow's ear;

"Bite me. I got this strength back for both of us...so just take it, already."

[holeheart]

Fear. Regret. Sadness. Disappointment. Anger. Hatred. Weakness. All of these things were buzzing around Shiro's mind like restless insects, leaves in a breeze. The Hollow hangs there in Ichigo's grip, little more than a ragdoll, like the day before. Limp and devoid of fight. Hurt and tired. Done. He'd gotten his world back, but it sucked.

The wrist is ignored, for now, and Shiro mutters.

"... I don't need your pity. I don't want it. I'll do it on my own. ... somehow."

[savior_n_black]

It only sucked because Shiro was doing exactly what he was angry at Ichigo for doing; refusing to accept help.

"...You're the one that always said we were partners. You're the one that wanted to be with me."

Settling his weight more firmly over Shiro, Ichigo bowed his head, letting it rest on the hollow's shoulder. Shiro wasn't the only one who wanted to hide the hurt that ached so raw, and pained inside the anger.

"And it's not called pity. It's called...called..."

Choking a little, Ichigo bunched his hands into fists; one in Shiro's shirt, against the hollow's stomach, and the other trembling a bit with tension near Shiro's lips.

"...It's called love."

There. He said it. But maybe it was only fair that Ichigo admit that Shiro wasn't the weak one, here.

"Don't run from me...because...because I need you."

Shiro had never been the weak one in this particular equation, anyway. Ichigo bit his lip, and tried to shove back all the hurt, and desperate hope, instead.

"...I need you a hell of a lot more than you need me."

[holeheart]

Shiro is silent while Ichigo talks, and shifts, still as before. He rarely saw the irony in things like this. Doing the exact same thing he was angry at Ichigo about... But he can't respond to any of that because Ichigo is right. And then he can't stop those tears that had been stinging his eyes. Love. Not because he pitied him, but because he loved him. The tears fall, dripping hot and wet onto Ichigo's hands.

Maybe that's what he needed to hear. Needed to hear that he wasn't the weak link here, even though he was physically inept. Needed to hear the reason again. That Ichigo still felt that way, despite taking his sweet ass time. And he was stupid. Of course he was. He was always stupid. He shouldn't be surprised at all.

The Hollow finally, finally, moves, the hole in his chest aching more than normal. He rolls over in Ichigo's arms and sits up... then falls against him, clinging.

"I was scared.... scared I wasn't going to see your stupid ass again... you idiot. Or that'd it'd be so long..." I don't hate you. I just hate how stupid you are sometimes.

[savior_n_black]

Ichigo drooped in relief a little, himself, but short of grabbing up Shiro in a fierce hug, made no comments about the feeling of tears on the back of his hand. Just buried his face in the crook of Shiro's neck, and breathed in the uniquely Shiro sent caught up in white hair, and a whiter throat. Something like a mixture of a very light 'snake' smell, the warm saltiness of skin, the faint detergent of soap used in washing clothes. All of it mixed to make it a wonderful assault of memories, and senses all at once.

Ichigo clung, not caring a bit that he was dragging Shiro into his lap, and probably would have been squeezing the breath out of someone who had need of air for more than just speaking.

"'Told you that I'd find a way. That you're mine.

...And I told you that I'd never leave you behind. Stupid, irritating, beautiful, bratty, hollow"

[holeheart]

The Hollow lets out a small, childlike sniffle, rubbing his face on Ichigo's shirt, drying his eyes on his shoulder. He clings, hard, probably hard enough to make Ichigo gasp for breath, but he doesn't seem to care. His hands trace the vague curves of his body, remembering them all--

... Except that. What was that. Shiro traces his fingers across this weird new thing on Ichigo's neck and looks up at it, quizzical. A quick tap of his claw against the armor produces a sound like porcelain or bone, and the Hollow sneers.

"The fuck is this crap on you?"

Does it come off? YANK.

Oh. Nope. It doesn't.

[savior_n_black]

"I dunno, it was there when-- ow! OI, DON'T PULL ON THAT!"

Slapping at Shiro's hand with a huff, Ichigo can't help rubbing at the abused spot on his ribs out of reflex. The armor was kind of cool, but also weird to get used to.

"It's attached, okay? So...I don't know why you don't have it yet, but you're still...uh...'under the weather', right?"

More insistent this time, Ichigo raises his wrist, tugging the sleeve all the way up to his elbow, and offers it to Shiro.

"Take it. When you're that hungry, and tired, you're past needing it. I know you are."

[holeheart]

He stops yanking when he's thwapped, but doesn't disregard them completely. Instead he runs his claws over them, tilting his head. Then he leans in for a quick sniff and a light lick.

Hm. That's interesting. The composition was almost identical to a Hollow's mask. Bony, enervated, easily broken on it's own strength but extremely powerful when infused with reiryoku. How interesting. But Shiro doesn't report his findings. Not right now.

Shiro looks at the arm and wrist and turns it over. "Tch, there's some on your wrist, too. But I can get to the vein from this opening. Since you're so intent on me suckin on ya." Shiro gives a sneering grin, then opens his mouth wide. Too wide. Cracking his jaw open inhumanly wide and showing a mouthful of fangs, he sinks his teeth into Ichigo's arm right above that stupid armor. Sorry, Ichigo; no surgical slices this time. This time, it's more like being bit by a shark. Or a crocodile. Painful. But Shiro doesn't care because that blood is flowing freely, and his drinking it up greedily.

[savior_n_black]

Ichigo had to bite down on a yell, and actually felt his eyes start to water in the corners purely out of reflex in the face of that sharp, painful slicing into his arm. He had expected Shiro to not go easy on him for a long time to come, but it felt like a small chainsaw was latched onto him, and worrying at his flesh like a terrier.

Gritting his teeth, and only letting a little, hoarse sound of pain escape, Ichigo shut his eyes, clenched his hand in the back of Shiro's shirt, and just sucked it up.

It didn't take long for the effects to begin becoming noticeable. Not hugely so, but the evening out of black, and white reiatsu displayed in superficial, physical ways first; Shiro's hair altering it's length automatically, the ghostly outlines of inverted armor braces on the hollow's wrists, his ankles, and even his collar. The aching sense that Ichigo was missing some important piece of himself began to subside, too, as the red soul-chain that bound them flared into visibility briefly.

Cracking one eye open, Ichigo would have smiled at the changes had he not been busy keeping his mouth shut on pained sounds. He'd have to pull Shiro off through force if the hollow kept this up...

[holeheart]

It was a bit like a chainsaw. If only his teeth moved in a rotating way, it would be the exact same. But Thankfully for Ichigo, they don't. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt any less, but at least he won't be maimed.

Shiro doesn't really notice those physical changes. Hair, armor, an inch of height and a little more lean muscle. He does notice that the more he takes, the more clearly he can feel pain in his arm until it feels like teeth are actually embedded in his arm instead of Ichigo's. Good, it meant it was working. And he could feel his energy returning, his power surging, and that horrible Hollow feeling receding as his bond with Ichigo was reforged.

But there was one last thing that needed to be shared. And this final burst forces Shiro to let go because of the pain, pain that wouldn't be shared. Memories. The Hollow clutches his head in his hands, groaning and cursing as Ichigo's memories rush in to fill the gaps in his. Aizen's final moments. The monotony, the longing, the lies. The Fullbringers. Chad. Ginjou's deception, Tsukishima's terrible power, the horrible sensation of losing everything. Then that stabbing sensation, magnified, because Shiro HAD actually felt that. Ichigo's first true kill. Rukia.

"Hrrgghhh.... gh..."

Holding his head as it throbbed, the Hollow can't do much except curl up into a ball as the flashes of memories settle themselves into his brain matter.

[savior_n_black]

Ichigo was reeling from the ultimate in weird sensations racing from somewhere in the vicinity of his chest to bizarre, invisible points inside his body. From navel, to sternum, throat, to between his eyes, and back again like a closed loop of fire burning him from the inside out.

He fell with Shiro, forward to slump over the hollow, barely realizing that his bloodied arm smeared stains on the sheets. He felt his eyes go, ( colors, light, all sharpened into hyper clarity ) turning hollow black, and gold as a year's worth of time caught up with Shiro all in one long burst. It was painful to Shiro - neural pathways being branded into the mind in such a short time was normally not something a human brain could survive - but as the hollow curled up, Ichigo gasped, mouth working around sounds that wouldn't come.
He couldn't get a breath around the rush of all that time equalizing with his hollow. The soul chain flared bright, and throbbed with a hellish, red light, transmitting knowledge, yes, but more importantly? Power.

The power to create black tempests of hellfire, the strength to fuel Shiro's hollowfied abilities, and in return, Ichigo's arm felt like it was made of ice cold acid - what liquid nitrogen would feel like he imagines - as the muscles, veins, and skin knit themselves back together smoothly. It hurt. It all hurt in such a strange way!

[holeheart]

If he was anyone else? Yeah, it probably would have fried his brain. But as it stood, it was more like a hard reset. The Hollow goes unconscious as the two share power; human, shinigami, and hollow blending back into more or less equal amounts before splitting back up again.

It was the power that turned Shiro back on again, gold-on-black eyes shooting open once more as his pounding headache persisted. He rolls over onto his back and holds his forehead, but the majority of the pain is gone as quickly as it had come. And in it's place, that familiar burning of raw power in his chest. The power to level cities, to destroy anything, to rip holes in the fabric of space itself. The power he was used to, so used to, that he needed it to function.

He paws at his eyes and then looks at Ichigo.

"... Phew. I wasn't expectin' that."

[savior_n_black]

Ichigo, on the other hand, was not so quick to recover. He was curled up, still with his head resting against Shiro's stomach, with a hand clenched around the link that fused the soul chain into his chest. Trembling. Nauseated. With a cold sweat broken out between his shoulderblades.

His eyes hadn't altered back to human brown, either. They were still just as black as Shiro's, for all that they were squinted at a world that Ichigo wasn't seeing right now. He'd almost forgotten how...how angry he felt like this. Like something had ignited inside him, and the slow burn was searing his insides, but somehow he wasn't burning alive, yet.

Blinking once. Twice. The black and gold eyes stay, but glance up at Shiro all the same. Something dark, and predatory sat in those eyes. As pure a mirror image as they had ever been.

[holeheart]

Shiro has noticed that Ichigo isn't quite back to himself yet, and he places a hand on his shoulder, giving a light shake.

"Oi..."

HE could feel vague echoes of what Ichigo was feeling, but not much. That probably wasn't good. He blinks, confused and maybe a little worried, when Ichigo looks at him with eyes that are perfect copies of his own. Too much Hollow reiatsu, too soon?

He makes a face and puts his other hand on Ichigo's other shoulder. "What's wrong?"

NSFW from here on in, kiddies

[savior_n_black]

Yes. Yes, it was far too much of one side of the equation without enough of the other to balance it out. Part of the problem, also, was the anger at Shiro. The anger at Ichigo's own feelings of powerlessness. His frustration with the mundane world, with everyone around him pretending that everything was fine. Everyone, everywhere, putting so much stock in him, then conversely putting no faith at all in Ichigo's capability to cope. He had always walked the fine line between human, and something else, with one foot in two worlds, and never wholly being of any.

But none of that mattered. He wanted to...he wanted to beat his fist against that pale reflection until the damn worry was erased from it. He wasn't so weak he needed Shiro, of all people, to worry about him!

Without answering, Ichigo uncurled in a flash. His hands grabbed the hollow's wrists in a bone-grinding grip, forced them back, away from having the leverage needed to fight back. He threw his weight forward, shoving down, pressing hard, and see-sawing a knee to force his way between Shiro's legs as well.

Even his growl was distorted, and not quite human.

A growl which became silence by lips, and tongue, and teeth worrying at Shiro's. Sealing searing demands against the hollow's mouth, and demanding entrance all at the same time. Missed you, and need you, and hate you right back. You take, and take, and take, and never give back unless you want something. Well, now Ichigo wants, and without a way to articulate that want, it's raw, and visceral, and the only way he has to communicate.

so very not worksafe 8D

[holeheart]

Too much pent up anger. Anger at Ichigo (at Shiro at Ichigo) that didn't have anywhere to go, that arose not from hate but from frustration. And here Ichigo was, consumed by instinct.

And instinct knew how to get rid of frustration.

Woah. WOAH. Hold on there. The Hollow hisses and growls right back when Ichigo forces his hand down and away. What the fuck?

Holy fucking shit Ichigo had never been this way. Ever. Was this how Shiro was? It was kind of scary! And despite the searing feelings of anger and frustration, it was also kind of hot. Shiro isn't going to go down easily. Invigorated from Ichigo's power, he fights right back, pushing against Ichigo's tongue as they kissed. Biting his lip, being bitten in return. Blood flowed from both already, blue and red mingling in their mouths and making a metallic, purpley mess. His hands are tied, literally, so the Hollow brings his legs up and around Ichigo. He snarls and fights against it. He needs his hands, dammit!

But if this was how they were going to work off that shared anger? Then do it.

[savior_n_black]

Ichigo pulled a face, breaking the heated kiss to shake his head a little. The weird, blue-ish gunk that passed for blood gets a rough wipe against the shoulder of Ichigo's shirt, clearing it away, then he recaptured the hollow's mouth with a hungry sound. Despite Shiro's struggling, Ichigo yanked both white wrists up, pushed both wrists into one hand, dn let long fingers resume the hold like a steel manacle around Shiro's hands. The freed hand grabbed the hem of Shiro's shirt, and yanked it up to his armpits, exposing the hard, alabaster white expanse of chest, and stomach. Ichigo broke off the kiss, and for just a beat looked down to be able to see. See that toned, lean body spread out under him, hips slotting together like puzzle pieces--

Oh, but Shiro squeezed with his thighs, and Ichigo's lips pulled back, away from teeth that weren't quite able to bite off the groan that sounded in response. Nor was Ichigo able ( or willing ) to stop his hips from snapping forward to grind down against Shiro's. It had been too damn long since anyone had touched Ichigo like this. Much less that hot, slicing, addictive way Shiro's white skin always managed to feel against his; like any moment Ichigo would catch on fire, and burn alive.

Black eyes snapped open again, and Ichigo lunged to nip at that certain spot on the hollow's throat that Shiro had always liked. Then drag his tongue over it. Licking, and sucking a temporary lovebite into being right there.
Blindly, Ichigo pawed down to collar bones, then dragged his free hand down the long, muscled line of the hollow's belly, skimming just shy of his navel, then down. He flattened his hand to palm the strong, smooth line of Shiro's hip, digging blunt, human fingertips in - then shoved his whole hand past the waistband of Shiro's jeans, and squeezed the muscled curve of Shiro's ass with a growl.

Mine.

[holeheart]

That gunk that would be totally poisonous to just about anyone else only tasted bad to Ichigo. Metallic and bitter and thick.

But goddammit, he NEEDS his hands for this! While they kiss, violently, passionately, Shiro continues trying to worm his wrists out of Ichigo's grip. He's feeling much better, but Ichigo still has him on strength. Oops there goes the shirt. And then there's licking. Just in the right spot. It tickled and felt so warm and wonderful.

The Hollow moans unabashedly as his nethers spring to life, warm and hot and tight in his pants, pressed against Ichigo. A hiss escapes his clenched teeth next, and since his hands are still restrained (it was starting to hurt), he squeezes his thighs and hooks his ankle around the other, encircling Ichigo with strong, long legs.

"Krrr.... leggo of my hands...!" He wanted to touch to feel to stroke, please oh please he needs it.

[savior_n_black]

Ichigo's next breath escaped as little more than a helpless whine when Shiro's thoughts made wavering echoes in his mind, the hollow tilting his head back ... lowered his gaze and parted his lips just so ... and stretched that perfectly muscled body against him, squeezing with thighs, and oh god.

Ichigo hardly thought about it, simply let go of Shiro's hands in favor of attacking the hollow's belt buckle, and the zipper on his jeans with one hand, and sloppily jerk at his own waistband with the other--

And then Ichigo hissed as the burning, solid line of Shiro's erection was pressed right up against his. Every pulse of Ichigo's heart, ever squeeze of Shiro's thighs, together they made an intoxicating combination that meant Ichigo could hardly even control his own hands as he propped himself up on one elbow, and reached down to squeeze them both together. Playing with the bead of precum forming on the head, warm fingers spread the sticky fluid over, and across the both of them. Touching, and wrapping his fingers around here, and there, hips instinctively pulsing in time with his own heart.

It had been too long, some small corner of Ichigo's drowning reason reminded him. Too long since they'd been together, or done anything like this. It had been too long, and there certainly wasn't anything even resembling lotion around...but it didn't matter. Just feeling the heat, and hardness in his hand, pressed against his belly...god, it was enough to have Ichigo licking his way from the spot on Shiro's neck down to nibble on a collarbone with a shaky sigh.

It felt so good. So right. Just to squeeze them together like this, to feel Shiro wrapped around him, and arching into one another like two halves of a whole slotting into alignment after so long.

A lick, a kiss, a suck at the white skin under lips, and Ichigo nuzzled at Shiro, encouraging him to wrap an identical white hand around both of them, and let them ride out this wonderful feeling together. Just like this.

Please, please, please, just touch me!

[holeheart]

All that Shiro could think (while he COULD still think) was that this was fucking awesome. He should partially Hollowfy Ichigo every time they do this. He was so much more intense. Hotter, in every sense of the word. Just more, all around. But maybe it was because neither of them had been touched in so long. It had been so long... too long. Shiro feels hunger for pleasure. He needs it, now, and he hadn't even known it until Ichigo had jumped him.

With his hands finally free, Shiro moves them to Ichigo's head, burying his clawed fingers into Ichigo's hair, damp with sweat and so soft and so right. He pulls him close, pressing their lips together, licking and sucking and biting. The feeling of their cocks rubbing against each other, stiff as boards and sensitive as can be, is euphoric. Shiro lets out a moan that he makes no attempt to stifle, then a hiss. They fit together so perfectly, and this was what their bodies, their souls, craved. To be together, to be one in the same, to feel pleasure and pain echo and reverberate and grow. The Hollow licks Ichigo's chin and neck, nibbling at his skin and tasting his sweat as his hips move in time with Ichigo's. One hand stays tangled in that beautiful ginger hair, as the other traces down his neck, his chest, those wonderful abs, slicing a clean line down Ichigo's shirt with a claw as he goes. Don't need that.... More skin to skin.... more touching. More.

Then that hand finds both of their cocks lying parallel to each other and he grabs, hard, wrapping his hands around them both and around Ichigo's hand.

Yes... fuck... come on!!

[savior_n_black]

Ichigo settles into place, plastering his body along the length of Shiro's chest and emitting the same not-quite-human sound. Something between a warning growl, and a rumbling purr. His knees shove against the backs of Shiro's thighs, hips taking up short, stuttered, instinctive thrusts, and with his shirt tron open, his sweat-slicked skin was sliding so easily over Shiro's pale chest, it was getting harder to tell where one stopped and the other began.

Another bite, snap of teeth aggressively maintaining that this was his, that Ichigo is in control here, and for once, it was Ichigo who was actually behaving something so close to an hollow it would otherwise have been a little frightening. But then the aggression turns on a dime, becoming a surprisingly tender kiss that lands at the corner of Shiro's mouth, a nuzzle to the hollow's jawline, a nip to an earlobe.

But all the while hand squeezed, and pumped, teasing here, and there with a twist of Ichigo's wrist, a harder squeeze to the base of Shiro's cock, then just as quickly back to the shared pressure both oth hands wrapped them both. Ichigo was shaking by this point, head falling forward so that hot, damp breath bathed Shiro's shoulder, his neck. Desperate to be closer, body ignorant of stamina, or any other sight, or sound outside of Shiro's lips, Shiro's skin, Shiro, Shiro, Shiro--

Ichigo's wrist was starting to ache from the added pressure, but he didn't care, and something just snapped inside him, and he couldn't -- couldn't stop!
Panting, and thrusting into the slicked, hot grip of both hands around him, all it takes is that one glancing touch of the claw on Shiro's thumb. The sudden thrill of feeling something sharp as glass, and twice as hard teasing at the most sensitive part of him, and Ichigo broke.

Spine curved taught, hips losing their rhythm, but becoming faster, rougher for it. Ichigo bit down on the white skin of Shiro's throat in order to muffle a helpless whine. Oh fuck, it felt so good, so right, and the heated tension coiling tighter in his gut just burst all of a sudden.

Even with his mouth pressed to Shiro's skin, there was no good way to muffle the shivering moan that escaped Ichigo as he came, and came messily all over his fingers, Shiro's fingers, and splattered across the quivering muscle of the hollow's stomach.

mutual orgasm; u mad, readers? >D

[holeheart]

Shiro moans, mouth slightly askew, as their bodies rub against one another, swapping sweat. The feeling of Ichigo rubbing against him, against his Chain of Fate hole, made him shiver and squirm in delight. It was so wonderful, the feeling of their bodies so close together, so close.

For others, it was probably horrifying. Mortifying, even. But this was the most turned on Shiro had ever been. Ichigo partially Hollowfied? The growling, the biting (which Shiro returned in kind through shaky breaths); there was nothing better, and he was so hard he just might burst. Kissing and biting alternating in turn, aggression and tenderness looped together, entwined like their bodies. Shiro wanted this, needed this, and it was great. He should really, really make sure that Ichigo was partially Hollowfied every time.

They're not quite as in sync as they could be, so there is some fumbling down below when Shiro accidentally moves his hand the same was as Ichigo, fingers brushing together awkwardly. But it didn't matter. Shiro hungrily eats at Ichigo's mouth, tongues brushing against each other. Of course, when Ichigo starts jerking that way, Shiro instinctively grabs on harder to both of them, claws digging into his own cock and leaving small blue marks even as Ichigo comes all over him.

And for Shiro, who hasn't felt anything this good in a long time? That feeling of hot, wet, sticky cum was enough to set him over the edge too. The pain of keeping it in releases completely, and he comes not but a few seconds later, hips bucking arrhythmically and letting loose all over Ichigo's belly in return. He lets out a loud, eerie noise of pleasure. Of course, gravity means that most of that just comes right back down, squishing between the two as they fell to the blurry euphoria.

[savior_n_black]

The pit of his stomach was lit afire as the feedback scraped through again and again, hollowing Ichigo out with each passing, until he thought he was left with a shell so brittle he might simply fly apart and ruin all of Rukia's hard work to put him back together.

Not caring about the mess, or the embarrassment of the fact there was no way that the others that shared this living space hadn't heard, or know about that, Ichigo wriggled his wrist out from being sandwiched in between them, and wrapped himself around Shiro. His arms, and legs felt numb, clumsy with exhaustion, and little trembling aftershocks still ratcheted up his thighs at random.

But he curled up, dragging the white body as close as he could get Shiro, leaning in cheek to cheek...and not really even noticing the dry hiccuping little breaths that were escaping him right now. You couldn't really call it crying, because his eyes were completely dry...but it was sobbing all the same.

With the hurt still there, but the anger spent, and the mixture of relief, rejection, then aggressive sex, Ichigo was a mess. As Ichigo's own ears stopped ringing, he made an effort to gulp back the hot, desperate breaths. Shiro would just have to deal with Ichigo tucking his head under the hollow's chin for now. He needed the simple reassurance that Shiro was close. That he was there...and that whether it was love, or hate, Ichigo still needed Shiro.

[holeheart]

Feedback, repeating over and over like an echo, until both of them were so completely spent that it felt like there wasn't an ounce of fluid left in either of their bodies. Well... save for the fact that the Hollow is more or less drooling in bliss, moaning a little as he squirms under Ichigo.

Gone is the hate, gone is the desire for revenge or whatever it was even. Did it ever even matter? How foolish. Wrapping his arms around Ichigo, the Hollow can feel the echoes of that hatred, but can't consciously figure out why it's there. What had he been angry about...? In the fog of bliss and pain and exhaustion, he only felt the need to be close to Ichigo, the need to touch and be touched. What was... sobbing...? Why? Shiro lets a small sound escape from his mouth and he moves his weak, numbed arms up, caressing Ichigo's face with sweaty, sticky hands as gently as he can.

"Shhh... shh..." Shushing those sobs away. No no. None of that. No rain. Cradling him close and rubbing his chin in that soft ginger hair. The hurt remains, but Shiro now wants to chase it away. He felt bad, now, for saying those things. For thinking those things... he had been wrong and he feels that particular emotion stinging at his eyes. Ichigo sobbed dryly, but Shiro cried quietly. Just a few tears. I'm sorry I didn't mean it I don't hate you I don't hate you.

[savior_n_black]

Ichigo didn't respond. He couldn't. He could barely get his breath under control, much less think about things like words, or the sort of focus it takes to make words work in the silent way.

He'd been hurt, angry, then hurt worse, then fighting, then ripped back, and forth between being half-hollwfied, had angry, aggressive sex...and finally his soul had righted itself when the dry sobs spent themselves in Shiro's chest. But he was tired...so very tired.
The mess could wait. The rest of the emotional clusterfuck that was his ties to Shiro, and Rukia could wait. He needed just a little bit of quiet...just...a little...

Love you

And without further ado, Ichigo was asleep with his head tucked under Shiro's chin. The hollow had very slow, to no heartbeat, but he was a solid, reassuring presence, and Ichigo didn't particularly want to stop touching Shiro for a very long time to come, anyway.