[blog dramadramaduck] [What if? Virus Aftermath || Video || Faile

[savior_n_black]

[The feed starts with Ichigo sitting on his bed back in the stark room he's been staying in while with the Vaizards. Dark circles are under his eyes--which are back to their normal brown. He's just silent or a long while, and when he does finally look up at the camera he seems...haunted.]

...Hey.

I know that there's a lot of people pretty much saying the same thing, but...well, after what happened, I--...

...Well, I'm not really sure what there is to say.

[He looks away again, scrubbing a hand over his face.]

Just...I'm alright. And that wasn't me. None of that...I'm not a hollow. Or an arrancar, and I-...I don't...




Damnitt.

[A frustrated sigh.]

If I did, or said something? I didn't mean it. I don't remember a lot of what happened, but...what I do remember isn't me. You know?

So...Rock, Tidus, and jesus, you too Tommy...I'm sorry.

[Then he falls silent, not looking at the camera as he reaches over to shut off the feed.]


[Text || Locked to Ggio : Unhackable ]

I'd really like to talk to you. Um...I think I might have found a way for us to see each other a lot more, though. Please respond?

[/End Text || /End Lock ]


((OOC: All replies assumed video unless otherwise marked. I have a mean Cold that's kicking my butt, too, so apologies if I'm slow, and/or incoherent ;3; ))

Comments

[zanarkandsboy.livejournal.com]

Don't worry about, okay? I've had worse, and trust me, I knew it wasn't you, so it doesn't matter. I'm just... glad you're okay.

[savior_n_black]

Yeah, but...I dunno. It's...really weird because it's like; if things had gone differently...would that have been me?

[ He pales a little at the thought. ]

[zanarkandsboy.livejournal.com]

Ichigo, you shouldn't worry about! I think that since you're trying to make up for it now, says a lot. I don't think you could ever be that bad anyway, you're not a monster, remember?

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[savior_n_black]

No..I may not be a monster...but what if this, this thing inside my soul is?

It's just hard to not really know what's me, and what's the hollow inside me, you know?

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[zanarkandsboy.livejournal.com]

Maybe, but... I think you already know, in a way.

It's like I'm trying to tell Rock- you can't blame yourself for stuff that you did, and well...

Ichigo, I know you, and I know that whatever that hollow thing is- it's not you. Kinda hard to explain, but-

You're a good person, and a good friend. I know you'd never do that stuff you did, because that's not who you are. And uh, well. Thinking about what you could've done and would've done never helps, right? Just... know that what you did wasn't you, and if you're worried about what that hollow is- then beat him. Or whatever you do with that.

I uh... I hope that makes sense.

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[savior_n_black]

I get what you're saying, but here's the thing; I have beaten him. I keep having to fight him over, and over...and every time I beat him, I think.....I think I get a little more like him?

It's hard to explain. Just that I fight him, and won't ever stop, but this whole virus thing makes me wonder if he's a lot closer to me than I like to think he is.

I dunno. It's hard to explain, and I don't want to sound like I'm just worrying about "what could have happened", since that's not really it. I'm more wondering how close to that edge between doing what I have to to protect the people I care about...and losing sight of what's right. You know?

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[zanarkandsboy.livejournal.com]

I get that. I really do.

But- I also think that even if you think he's closer than you want him to be, you're stronger, and you still know what's right and what's wrong. You just have to believe in it.

I mean, that's what I do. And I know it sounds really lame but it works. I'm still practicing to learn the Sublimely Magnificent Jecht Shot Mark III, and well- let's just say I have a lot of bad memories attached to it.

The more I practice it, or even practice to get better, in a way, I feel like I'm becoming more like my old man. And it bothers me, because I don't want to be like him. At all.

But... there's still something that tells me that I have to be better than him, in order to pull away. To keep myself above my old man's shadow. It's not much, but it's why I keep playing, and keep going, because I believe in it. So- maybe you can find a reason too.

...I know that comparing Blitzball to this hollow probably isn't the best thing, but the idea is the same, I think.

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[savior_n_black]

It's the same reason I always fight; I've got to be better. Stronger. I have to be strong enough to protect my friends.

I can't let others be the one to protect me. Not anymore...so I have to figure out a way to do this. I know that, and it's not changing my resolve on anything, this whole virus deal, I mean. Just...yeah. Hard not to wonder when it's shoved in my face like that, I guess.